This past week, I was reminded of how powerful the right mindset—and the right words—can be. My family took a trip to Oceanside, CA, a place we hadn’t visited since 2021. The last time we were there, my then 2-year-old daughter had fallen in love with the beach. She spent hours playing in the sand, laughing and exploring. But then a big wave hit her unexpectedly, and that’s when everything changed. She became terrified of the ocean, and no matter how many times we visited the beach afterward, she wouldn’t go near the water.

Even during a trip to the beautiful Hapuna Beach in Hawaii, a perfect place for swimming, she stayed far from the shore. The sight and sound of waves brought back that fear, and no amount of coaxing could convince her otherwise.

That fear followed her, but I knew that this trip would be different. This time, we were at Central Beach in Coronado Island, a beautiful, swimming-friendly spot. My daughter talked about wanting to go near the water, but she was quick to say she wouldn’t if the waves were "too big and loud." Just our luck—it was high tide, and the waves were crashing in at ten feet tall!



As soon as she heard the waves, she froze. She wouldn’t take a single step toward the shore. Instead of pushing her, I decided to turn this into a fun coaching moment. My goal was simple: to help her face her fear and show her that fear doesn’t have to stop her.

Setting Progressive Targets

We started with something fun: a game of collecting seashells. Naturally, the best ones were close to the water. But when we took a step toward the shore, she froze and said, "I can’t get close to the beach." That’s when I added, “yet.” One small word—yet. We weren’t there yet, but we would be soon. And with each step we took toward the water, that “yet” kept pushing us forward.

We slowly inched closer, picking up seashells along the way. Just as we were getting comfortable, the unimaginable happened—a big wave rushed in and splashed her as she bent down to pick up a shell. She screamed, ran back to me, and burst into tears. She was trembling with fear.

Facing Fear with a Growth Mindset

In that moment, I knew that this wasn’t just about water—it was about helping her learn how to face fears in a way that builds resilience. Instead of letting the moment defeat us, I encouraged her to take deep breaths with me. We breathed in, breathed out, and calmed down together. Then, I invited her to play a new game—one that was just a little more daring.

This time, we would race toward the water, draw an X in the sand, and run back before the wave washed it away. At first, she only took a single step, and even that felt huge for her. But after each race, she got a little closer, and a little braver. By the end of the day, she was running and laughing, letting the waves splash around her as she jumped with joy.

Building Confidence Step by Step

The most powerful lesson from this experience wasn’t just in overcoming fear but in how we did it. We didn’t rush. We didn’t set impossible goals. Instead, we set small, achievable targets that slowly built her confidence. The first step was just taking a single step toward the water. Then, it was about playing a game that made her laugh, even if the water was nearby. Eventually, it was about letting her body experience the waves in a way that felt safe and manageable.

This same approach can be applied to any challenge we face in life. When we set progressive targets, we create a series of small wins that build our resilience. We practice when it’s easy, so when things get tough, we’ve already developed the muscle memory and confidence that we can overcome.

The Power of Language in Growth Mindset

As Caroline Adams Miller noted, a single word—yet—can transform how we approach challenges. It opens the door to possibilities, reminding us that failure isn’t final; it’s simply a stepping stone toward improvement. My daughter wasn’t ready to face her fear of the ocean yet, but with time, patience, and encouragement, she eventually found her courage.

When we use language that reinforces a growth mindset, we cultivate resilience. Instead of saying “I can’t do this,” we start saying “I can’t do this yet.” Instead of focusing on what hasn’t been achieved, we focus on what’s still possible. This shift in perspective can make all the difference in how we tackle our personal and professional goals.

Having Fun Along the Way

Finally, we can’t forget the importance of having fun. Challenges don’t always have to feel heavy or stressful. By turning fear into a game, we made the experience light-hearted and enjoyable. The fear didn’t disappear entirely, but it became something she could laugh at. And in doing so, she learned a powerful lesson: that it’s okay to feel scared, but it’s also okay to keep going.

This trip to Oceanside wasn’t just a family vacation. It was a reminder that the way we approach challenges, both big and small, shapes our ability to overcome them. By setting progressive goals, using empowering language, and embracing the joy in the journey, we can conquer our fears and discover the beauty in what lies beyond them.

Whether it’s at the beach or in everyday life, facing fears with patience, playfulness, and a growth mindset opens up endless possibilities for growth—and makes the journey that much more fulfilling.